MacDonald Manufacturing Concern

Workers on Strike: Site on Hiatus.

The little elves that keep this operation running have gone on strike. Therefore, MacDonald Mfg. is going on hiatus until January 3rd, when our kneecap-bustin' Union Breakers arrive on-loan from GM.

As I always do during our annual holiday work stoppage, I will be enjoying this time by not thinking about advertising. I urge you to do the same.

Merry, you know, whatever.

The Agency That Drinks Together, Uh, Still Goes Out of Business.

Today's email edition from the NY Times' Stuart Elliot contained an interesting aside about former employees of shuttered agencies getting together for reunions. I post this only because I myself am a onetime Bates person who keeps skipping these gatherings. Not that I don't want to see my former colleagues, or anything. I just prefer to do my drinking on the street, cardboard placard in hand.

Dear Readers: In this space last week, I answered a question from a reader who was seeking information about alumni organizations for two agencies for which he worked in the 1960's and 1970's, BBDO and Ted Bates. While BBDO provided information about its alumni newsletter, The Pink Sheet, I asked for information about Bates, most recently called Bates Worldwide, because it is no longer in business.

Here is what I learned in e-mail messages from several of you. One former employee of 141 Worldwide, a division of Bates Worldwide, says "there are ad hoc get-togethers at the 'Bates Bar,' which as recently as last month was still functioning at 498 Seventh Ave. in Midtown Manhattan," the former headquarters building of Bates Worldwide."

"I went to one in October," the reader writes, "and many former Bates and 141 people were in attendance."

Another reader writes about a "semi-regular convening of the 'Bates Irregulars,'" which took place last week at the Midtown restaurant Orso, "one of our more upscale haunts when Bates was at 1515 Broadway."

The group, which included employees from departments like account management, creative, media planning, human resources and strategic planning and research, "started to flesh out an action plan for a reunion," the reader writes, which is being planned for May 2005; the group is hoping to put up a Web site for alumni before then.

"Reunions, especially among employees of shuttered agencies, are bright spots in what has been a gloomy period for our industry," the reader writes. "They also put to the lie that agency folk are mostly shallow or opportunistic because there are connections spanning decades where the only 'payback' is the satisfaction of staying in touch or renewing contacts with those you respect and like. Plus, they are a blast!"

Readers, I will pass on any information about the reunion plans that I learn in the coming months.

This Just In From Gallup: We Suck.

The annual Gallup survey of honesty and ethics in the professional world is out. The good news? Well, we're not in last place.

Advertising practitioners rated just above car salesman as being highly honest and ethical. Scraping the bottom of the barrel along with us were newspaper reporters, auto mechanics, and nursing home operators.

This seems to me to be a very outdated view of the industry. As far as I can tell, used car guys and greasemonkeys don't have teams of corporate lawyers breathing down their necks every day, hunting down and killing every bit of potentially litigous copy they can find.

But I'm not going to dwell on it. Instead, I'll exact my revenge on consumers by inserting subliminal messages into my ads commanding them to murder their parents. Then maybe we can FINALLY beat those car guys at their own game in time for next year's survey.

MacDonald Mfg. Begs for a Halt on Anthropomorphic Disease Symptoms.

The group behind an anti-syphilis commercial starring an irascible chancre named "Phil the Sore" says it will file a complaint with the Federal Communications Commission after Los Angeles broadcasters balked at airing the government-funded ad.

Remember the good ol' days when company mascots were nothing more than talking animals ("They're Grrrreat!") or cultural stereotypes ("They're Magically Delicious!")? Now agencies have had the bright idea to create company mascots that can kill us.

Perhaps I'm overstating the case a bit. But nothing's more disgusting than seeing Digger the dermatophyte lift a human toenail and happily scrape away like a kitten in a litter box. I'm fascinated that large groups of human beings—all of them most likely boasting successful careers, postgraduate degrees, and six-figure salaries—could gather together in a room, look at that idea and say, "What the hell. Let's blow a few million to run that."

So before we see the introduction of Phillip the Flaccid Penis for Levitra or Karl the Kaposi's Sarcoma for the AIDS cocktail, let's all agree that we made a colossal mistake. Then we can make the world safe again— producing pharma commercials with women riding bicycles next to their golden retrievers.

Two Sponge-Related Headlines in a Row.

This might mark the end of the "Year of F'd-Up Sandwich Ad." Quizno's has dumped the Martin Agency.

The article gives the usual breakup excuses: "we had creative differences", "we were going in different directions", "he stopped listening and didn't give a damn about my needs", "she never got over her affair with the Spongemonkeys."

Godspeed, little Spongemonkeys. We'll miss you and your sandwich-related hijinks.

The Great SpongeBob Mystery Deepens.

By now, you might have heard about the rash of inflatable SpongeBobs being stolen from Burger Kings around the country. Now a clever AdRants reader has speculated that those thefts might just be the brainchild of Crispin Porter.

It's not too far-fetched. Everyone knows Crispin's love of stunts. But if these SpongeBob thefts are being investigated by local police and turn out to be a marketing gimmick, expect a pretty harsh backlash. (Unless the franchisees aren't reporting the thefts. In which case, you can pretty much write this baby up as a fairly clever way to get millions of dollars of free publicity.)

All this to promote the freakin' SpongeBob plastic watch. Seems a bit desperate. Now if you'll excuse me, I have forty-two Crossandwiches to eat.

UPDATE: Christ, maybe I should Google this shit before I post about it. Check out this Burger King Press Release offering a year's supply of burgers to anyone giving up their stolen balloons.

"As to the motives behind these apparent 'spongenappings,' we can only speculate. We did receive one ransom note related to an inflatable SpongeBob disappearance in Minnesota," said Russ Klein, Chief Marketing Officer, Burger King Corporation.

"Now, of course, Burger King Corporation does not condone 'spongenappings' and strongly discourages anyone from going on rooftops or doing anything illegal to swipe a SpongeBob SquarePants Inflatable," said Klein. "Our reward only applies to previously 'napped SpongeBob SquarePants Inflatables.

"We are concerned about our missing, massive sponges and the effect their absence is having on SpongeBob fans, employees, children and parents everywhere. We hope the reward will help these AWOL SpongeBob's find their way home," Mr. Klein said.

Know what, Russ? You had me until you said "spongenapping."

9/11, Cingular, and the Definition of "Satire."

Jesus, everyone's getting their panties in a bunch over this post over on Low Culture. Here's the short, short version: Low Culture spots a Cingular billboard in Brooklyn featuring cell phone reception bars bursting beyond their frame. They then satirize 9/11 oversensitivity by claiming their outrage that the client didn't realize the last two bars evoke the Twin Towers.

It's a joke. It's actually pretty funny. Why isn't anyone getting it?

(Meanwhile, the real outrage here is Cingular claiming superior reception. Let me assure you that one could ram a Cingular cell phone tower up their rectum, turning their corporeal form into a stiffly-walking, carbon-based emitter of cellular signals, and yet still get dropped calls everytime they called their goddamned voicemail.)